I’m *so* enjoying all the people not getting it about G4 (the *cough* group not the CPU) that I thought I’d do an extract from their interview, which is in the latest Heat magazine. (The wife bought it.)
So here we go. Only the questions, of course. You can fill in your own answers.
-The four of you look like proper pop stars now. Were you ordered to have a makeover to look sexier?
-That’s not very manly is it?
-Weren’t you worried you’d end up with Michelle Bass-style [who she?] ultra-thin eyebrows?
-Was it a wax or a pluck?
-You always seem to be crying Jonathan. Were there a lot of tears? [I think they mean the crying sort]
-You might want to stop there to preserve your reputation…
-Did you get a say in what was done to your hair?
-First the eyebrows and now the hair. You’ve not had much luck, have you?
-Have you been put on a special fitness regime? Are you told off for eating junk food, for instance?
-Apart from Ben [Who he?] have any of the rest of you lost weight since The X Factor?
-Would you ever have plastic surgery or Botox?
-What about teeth whitening? Loads of pop stars have had that done…
-Have you have any rows with your manager Louis Walsh about image issues?
-I’m sure he’ll be relieved to hear you think so. How are your love lives?
-Your pulling power must have increased now you’re famous, though?
-Wahey! [not strictly a question, really]
-Do you worry about girls doing kiss-and-tells?
-The ladies seem to be most keen on Jonathan. Do the rest of you get jealous?
-You appear very clean-cut, but surely there must be rock’n’roll stories from your past? [One slept in a phone box once, apparently.]
-Pete Doherty’s got nothing on you. Did the phone box smell of wee?
-What were you doing in the park after locking-up time? [Err, you trying to imply something?]
-Ahem. Returning to the subject of the X Factor, some people considered you a bit of a joke, didn’t they?
-Are you in the money now?
-What’s the biggest change that fame has brought? [You saying they're famous??]
-Sounds like fame has made you a bit paranoid…
-That’s very candid of you
-Yes or no. Will you still be around this time next year? [A: "We'll be around, but whether we'll still be selling albums.."]
-OK. Were you annoyed that Simon Cowell’s operatic male quartet Il Divo released their debut album before yours?
-Yeah, but their album went to No. 1 and sold 1.2m copies. Don’t tell us you weren’t the teeniest bit nervous about coming in as new competition?
-OK then. Do you worry about the fact that they’re better-looking than you?
-Well deflected. So, who’d win in a fight between you?
-You’re saying they’re over the hill then. Does that mean you fancy your chances?
Blimey. If even the people in the group aren’t sure if they’ll be selling albums in a year’s time… why did my blog have to get all that grief?? In a year’s time all these “fans” will be looking at each other (metaphorically, since I’m sure they’ve not met) saying “Who were those blokes who did that horrible version of that song?”
Still, at least you can see how intent the music industry is on nurturing talent and diversity. Not one, but two cod-opera male groups. Odd there isn’t a womens’ one.. hey! Cowell! Come back here!