Charles on… anything that comes along

The other day XTC’s Funk Pop A Roll came up on the MP3 player, and I dreamt, fervently, of someone performing it on The X-Factor.

Because I’d just love to hear the audience and judges’ reactions after lyrics like

Funk pop a roll beats up my soul
Oozing like napalm from the speakers and grill
Of your radio
Into the mouths of babes
And across the backs of its willing slaves

Funk pop a roll consumes you whole
Gulping in your opium so copiously from a disco
Everything you eat is waste
But swallowing is easy when it has no taste

They can fix you rabbits up
With your musical feed
They can fix you rabbits up
Big money selling you stuff that you do not need

Funk pop a roll for fish in shoals
Music by the yard for the children they keep
Like poseable dolls
The young to them are mistakes
Who only want bread but they’re force-fed cake

Funk pop a roll the only goal
The music business is a hammer to keep
You pegs in your holes
But please don’t listen to me
I’ve already been poisoned by this industry

But instead you get those pointless acts like… hey, remember whatwastheirnames? Seen on the latest Popbitch email:

>> Ex-factor < <
Has anyone seen our fans?

Louis Walsh’s old X Factor muppets G4 aren’t exactly enjoying career longevity. This email was circulated by the production team of Top Of The Pops this week.

“Anyone know of a G4 fan (a Mum/Granny) that would like their own private performance as a surprise?? We can’t track any fans down!!

“Pass on to anyone you think might like to get involved!”

Gee, you think that my prediction is any closer to coming true?

These posts might be related (the database thinks..):
• ..though equally, people think you've evil even when you're not (22 October 2006; score: 37.97%)
• An iPod quirk: you haven't played a song until you've played it all (7 December 2005; score: 28.51%)
• Sony completely loses the plot with "Network Walkman" (4 August 2004; score: 20.63%)