G4: you’ve got a talent for.. what was it again?
The other day XTC’s Funk Pop A Roll came up on the MP3 player, and I dreamt, fervently, of someone performing it on The X-Factor.
Because I’d just love to hear the audience and judges’ reactions after lyrics like
Funk pop a roll beats up my soul
Oozing like napalm from the speakers and grill
Of your radio
Into the mouths of babes
And across the backs of its willing slaves
Funk pop a roll consumes you whole
Gulping in your opium so copiously from a disco
Everything you eat is waste
But swallowing is easy when it has no taste
They can fix you rabbits up
With your musical feed
They can fix you rabbits up
Big money selling you stuff that you do not need
Funk pop a roll for fish in shoals
Music by the yard for the children they keep
Like poseable dolls
The young to them are mistakes
Who only want bread but they’re force-fed cake
Funk pop a roll the only goal
The music business is a hammer to keep
You pegs in your holes
But please don’t listen to me
I’ve already been poisoned by this industry
But instead you get those pointless acts like… hey, remember whatwastheirnames? Seen on the latest Popbitch email:
>> Ex-factor < <
Has anyone seen our fans?
Louis Walsh’s old X Factor muppets G4 aren’t exactly enjoying career longevity. This email was circulated by the production team of Top Of The Pops this week.
“Anyone know of a G4 fan (a Mum/Granny) that would like their own private performance as a surprise?? We can’t track any fans down!!
“Pass on to anyone you think might like to get involved!”
Gee, you think that my prediction is any closer to coming true?
- These posts might be related (the database thinks..):
- ..though equally, people think you've evil even when you're not (22 October 2006; score: 37.94%)
- An iPod quirk: you haven't played a song until you've played it all (7 December 2005; score: 28.49%)
- Sony completely loses the plot with "Network Walkman" (4 August 2004; score: 20.61%)
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November 28th, 2005 at 6:20 pm
Aaah, poor G4. Although, thinking about it, am not entirely sure who they are. Are they the same as Il Divo?
November 28th, 2005 at 7:01 pm
I think they might be - have they ever been seen in the same place at the same time?
November 29th, 2005 at 10:45 pm
You seem to have an issue with uncontrolled spite and rage, directed at people who are at worst harmeless (G4) and at best actually good, decent people (Johann Hari). It’s simultaneously pitiful and actually quite worrying.
November 30th, 2005 at 10:06 am
Nick, any time you can make a coherent argument where you’ve read the other side’s rationale, feel welcome to comment. However, I very much suspect you haven’t read any of the wider points I’ve been making on this topic. Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me, since you managed to miss so many of the points I made on the previous topic you commented on - such as the fact that I’d written my last column for the Independent, at which you gave some redundant “advice”.
You seem to have an issue with people having opinions that differ from your own, and being unable to marshal a thread to demonstrate why they should change them. Hey, is that a spiteful thing to say? I’d say it was pragmatic.
By the way, your spellchecker is still broken.
November 30th, 2005 at 10:20 am
Can I pick a small nit here? It’s a ****SPELLING CHECKER****!!!!!!!!!! A spellchecker is what Harry Potter uses!
November 30th, 2005 at 12:06 pm
If Nick thinks that your mild, jokey comment was “uncontrolled spite and rage” then I think it’s a safe bet that he’s never met Alastair Campbell.
November 30th, 2005 at 4:55 pm
someone’s buying, according to WHSmiths DVD chart, G4 live are at number 2. The christmas present for granny effect?
Simon Cowell’s paramount ability (apart from high-waisted trouser wearing) seems to be to identify a product that will sell in great numbers to the “Grey Army”. He first did it with Robson and Jerome.
also here are some lyrics from Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers that sum up similiar sentiments to the XTC track.
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - The Last DJ
Well you can’t turn him into a company man
You can’t turn him into a whore
And the boys upstairs just don’t understand anymore
Well the top brass don’t like him talking so much,
And he won’t play what they say to play
And he don’t want to change what don’t need to change
There goes the last DJ
Who plays what he wants to play
And says what he wants to say, hey hey hey’
And there goes your freedom of choice
There goes the last human voice
There goes the last DJ
Well some folks say they’re gonna hang him so high
‘Cause you just can’t do what he did
There’re some things you just can’t put in the minds of those kids
As we celebrate mediocrity all the boys upstairs want to see
How much you’ll pay for what you used to get for free
There goes the last DJ
Who plays what he wants to play
And says what he wants to say, hey hey hey’
And there goes your freedom of choice
There goes the last human voice
And there goes the last DJ
Well he got him a station down in Mexico
And sometimes it’ll kind of come in
And I’ll bust a move and remember how it was back then
And there goes the last DJ
Who plays what he wants to play
And says what he wants to say, hey hey hey’
And there goes your freedom of choice
There goes the last human voice.
And there goes the last DJ
January 1st, 2006 at 2:24 am
Emails like that from “PopBitch” arent even worth reading, they obviously know nothing about G4 considering they are doing just as well as they were at the beginning of the year. With their new album out and DVD, both selling really well, and a new tour coming up in the summer next year, with many places sold out already, I don’t see any evidence of their career going downhill.
January 1st, 2006 at 10:54 am
Ah, Rach, give it time, give it time. Read up about firework bands.