Apple fans! Can’t get to MacExpo? Play Stevenote bingo, or make your own!

So there you are, despondent because unlike previous years, the keynote speech by Steve Jobs isn’t going to be broadcast, or webcast (except in a select few places). Don’t worry! This handy print-out-and-keep table gives you all the phrases you’re sure to hear when the video is finally released. Can’t wait? Put on your favourite old blue jeans, black jumper and old, old trainers, and recite them out loud at random! Includes bonus boxes where you can put in your own “must-invent” gadgets that Apple should have come up with, but incomprehensibly didn’t, such as a Wi-Fi electric dog polisher or Bluetooth-enabled fur-lined sink.

Updated 20 January with where I was right and wrong.

“We’ve got a lot to get through today so let’s start”


“sold 200 million songs”

Well, 220, but Yes!

Q88 [whatever it is]

The Mac mini – Yes!

announce Keynote 2

It’s in iWork – Yes!

supercomputer at Virginia Tech

in the intro to the Mac mini – Yes!

“like to welcome Phil Schiller”

on iChat AV – Yes!

(really loud but incomprehensible shout from nut in audience)

Yes! (surely?)



“leading-edge chip fabrication”


“isn’t it great?”


“One more thing..”


(mad applause and whooping from audience)

Yes, many times

iLife ’05


Garageband 2

(and tedious demo) – Yes!

(disappointed silence from audience on hearing price)

No.. quite the opposite

“made recording your own music easier than ever before”


“working with Motorola”


“for years one thing that has really bugged people is..”


some new Powerbooks


Tiger will ship

Yes! (though still vague)

“March 24 2001”


“four years later”


Asteroid [for Garageband]


“like to welcome [person in suit]”

Whatshisname from Sony – Yes!

flash memory iPod


“just opened our latest store in London”


“sales have been phenomenal”


? ? “We call it…”

Mac mini, iPod shuffle – Yes!


  1. missing words


    ‘this is why we do what we do’

  2. What about GarageBand loops (from previous keynotes) to make your own personalised keynote delivered by the voice of Steve Jobs.

  3. Don’t forget “automatically”, “ahem – slurp – ahem – ahem” and “life is random”.

  4. Hee Hee Hee Hee

    Suggest: “Out of the gates months before Microsoft”.


  5. Heh heh. Very funny. Now to fill in those boxes… iToiletpaper? iSpork? And something along the lines of “Microsoft/Bill Gates may claim that they can do this/can do better than that but they cant”

  6. And for my NeXT trick (for those with long memories…)

  7. Mac Mini! iPod Shuffle! I was totally wrong! Ah well.

    But no new PowerBooks were mentioned. That makes me grumpy. I’m hoping some will turn up when the Apple website stops being pummelled into submission.

  8. But a word processor and presentation software combined for $79 plus tax!! This is a huge pricing shift for Apple.

  9. MacMini is Xserve for the rest of us. On the network after a single monitor-connected setup it can be run via VNC to hold iTunes, video files and whatever else on backup with my LaCie 250Gb. It will transform my personal operations by being a server-not-a-workstation.

  10. Box 1 Charles Arthur was right…
    Box 2 Im sooo waiting for Eudora to have some sort of sensible upgrade

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